Situation 2. Responding to Criticism
1. Put the person and situation in perspective. When people are under stress it’s easy for them to blow out of proportion any critical feedback that’s presented. If you find yourself criticized, remind yourself that the criticism addresses only one aspect of your performance and that there are many other areas in which your performance excels. If someone directs a general criticism at you, help that person focus in on more specific feedback.

For example:
Other: You’ve really got to improve the way you are managing your relationships with your customers.
You: When you say “not managing relationships effectively,” what exactly do you mean? Do you feel I’m being rude to customers? Are we talking about my entire customer base?
Other: No, you seem to be well liked by your customers, and things appear to be okay with your established customers. However, a couple of times I’ve felt that you’ve made promises to entice new customers that I don’t feel you can possibly meet. For example, I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation with ABC Corporation the other day on the phone, and I noticed that…”

2. Remember that you are not the target. If someone makes personal comments about you or criticize you too strongly, keep in mind that stressed-out people tend to indiscriminately dump on the other people. Remind yourself, “I am not the target. I just happened to be in the way when this person decided to dump on me. It’s her problem, not mine.”

3. Turn criticisms into desired aims. Criticism often takes the form of telling people what we don’t want them to do. Unfortunately, in this sense it provides little informational value because it doesn’t spell out what desired behavior looks like. Whenever you receive negative feedback, ask the person to clarify her expectations of you. If needed, provide some suggestions.

For example:
Other: That budget forecast was really a surprise. When I took it into the director’s meeting I ended up with egg all over my face. The actuals were completely out of line with your original projections. I want to make certain this doesn’t happen again.
You: Well, as you know, given the number of project readjust¬ments we’ve been having, it’s almost impossible to provide an accurate, annual budget projection. Are you saying you expect me to increase the accuracy of our projections?
Other: I realize you can’t do that, but I would appreciate being forewarned the next time around so that I can give our director more advance warning of any increases prior to the annual budget review.
You: So you want me to generate a quarterly budget projection?
Other: It doesn’t even have to be that formal. Just pull your budget trend line out of your spreadsheet package and fax it to me for review with warning flags on those areas that are beginning to run over and a handwritten note as to why. Also, I’d really like to receive that on a monthly, not quarterly, basis.

The vice president of personnel was given a crown and
honored as Miss Pink Slip (she had to make some of the difficult termination arrangements and then was herself one of the first people terminated). In condition, office jokes about the situation were encouraged: “What are they going to do about it, fire us?” Pink achievement awards were given out to selected employees to affirm that, despite the downsizings, their per¬formance was appreciated.

The purpose of all of this tongue-in-cheek humor was to laugh in the face of adversity. As Bevan says, “We created an environment that said that humor was okay and that humor was what was going to get us through this thing.” Expand your team’s range of control. A significant amount of stress research shows that the more control people exert over difficult work situations, the more they are able to cope with those situations. In the work environment, you can help regulate stress by looking for ways to place control in the hands of your team.

Teach coping skills. Supply members with books and guides which provide suggestions and guidelines for self-managing stress. An additional approach might involve looking for low-cost stress management workshops that members can take after hours or on the weekends through local adult education programs, colleges or community health agencies. Periodically audit stress factors in your environment. Conduct an audit to identify factors that may be creating stress for your team. This doesn’t have to be a tedious or expensive process.